For Babyloss Awareness month, I would like to introduce myself.
I am Suzanne Co Founder/Trustee of Our Angel Bears.
I run all of our social media pages, our online store and our Dorset support groups.
I also work closely with the early pregnancy team UHD Hospital and liase with the hospital’s that we supply our packs to and help raise awareness of babyloss.
I have 9 Angel Babies
I lost my first Angel Aimee over 20 years ago.
Everything was going well with the pregnancy, I heard my baby girls heartbeat at my 16 weeks antenatal appointment and was feeling movements, I was so excited and so full of love for my baby.
A week later the pink spotting started I was so worried so I went and got her checked and they told me all was fine and sent me home, but that night the pains and bleeding started, I was in agony and I didnt know what to do.
I gave birth at home all alone , my partner came back and was horrified to find me holding our baby, we somehow managed to get us to the hospital in a state of shock and disbelief of what had happened.
At the hospital it was all a blur I couldn't take in what the doctor was saying, I didn't want to hand her over, I wanted to hold and keep her safe but I had no choice.
I just sobbed and sobbed and the staff at the hospital were very uncaring.
I felt so alone and had no support at all.
This left me totally heartbroken and traumatised. I never found out the reason why I lost her.
My family were friends with the local funeral director and they gave her a beautiful send off and she is buried in the baby area of the cemetery.
Many years later and I was in a new relationship, we desperately wanted to start a family together . I became pregnant really quickly.
The 12 week scan went well our baby was wriggling around on the screen . A few days later the spotting started then the pains and bleeding , I lost my baby at home , she was perfectly formed but tiny I was left heartbroken again.
My next pregnancy again we had a perfect 12 weeks scan but a week later the same thing happened, I lost my baby, another tiny perfect baby I couldn't understand why this had happened again it was so unfair.
We decided to keep trying but I kept losing my much loved and wanted babies.
Some of my pregnancies I got to 12/13 weeks some only to 7/8 weeks .
I lost 8 babies in a row , recurrent miscarriages totally broke me.
I desperately wanted a baby but each time I became pregnant I would lose them it was heartbreaking, I had so many tests to find out the reason to why I kept losing my precious babies.
I was diagnosed with having raised Anticardiolipin Antibodies this was causing me to lose my babies .
I was then referred to an amazing consultant who helped me finally have my rainbow baby girl,with the help of 3 daily medications ( Heparin, Cyclogest & Aspirin) regular scans, lots of appointments and support.
My Rainbow Pregnancy was an extremely anxious time and even though she is now 3 I am very over protective of her as she is my miracle and I will never stop worrying about her as I went through so much to have her.
My Angels are the reasons I wanted to help other families grieving the loss of their babies.
I know how it feels and how much it hurts, it happened to me over and over again.
Each anniversary cuts like a knife and it never gets any easier , you just learn to live with the grief.
I try to do everything in their memories to make them proud so their losses will never be in vain.
Sweet dreams my Angels Aimee, Lily, Gracie, Bubba, Sid, Georgie, Hope, Issy & Violet-Rose .
Mummy will always love you 💖💖💖💙💙💙💖💖💖